Vent

It's finals week! Tomorrow I'm taking Bio and Psych.  Oh and I'm supposed to be trying out for Women's Chorus but I think I might cancel the audition.  Tuesday I'm taking BOM, Writing, and ASL.  Then I'll be done with the semester, thank goodness.  I wish I could go home on Wednesday but I don't get to till Saturday.  Not sure what I'm gonna do yet till then. Probably just sit around and wait to go home.  I wanna just be there already.  Last week everything was going so great and as of today I feel like it's all going down hill again and I'm just stressed.  I feel like everything I say is the wrong thing and I still can't manage to make everyone happy.
When I first got to BYU I felt like I had to try to be someone I wasn't to fit in and please everybody.  And I still felt like people just picked and pulled me apart with everything that was wrong with me.  So I finally gave up and just started doing what I wanted to again.  But now I feel like everything I say is wrong and people just get irritated when I mention something or say my opinion.  And I'm always always always wrong no matter what I say. I was so excited to come to college and get a start over, a redo, and I thought it would be amazing and perfect.  Well it's definitely not that.  I guess I'm  just still trying to figure things out.  Including money and finances and trying to think about next year and this year and this summer and a job and my classes and my STILL undecided major.
I know I'm just homesick and need a break from everything here.  I really owe a lot to 2 of my roommates, Jasmine and Beth.  They've welcomed and accepted me 100% for who I am and have become 2 of my very closest friends.  I don't know what I'd do without those 2 girls. I'm hoping that going home and seeing my friends and family will let me feel like I can be me again.  And hopefully this break will be just what I want it to be.  A break.  And I know it will be.  I'm so excited and anxious to be home.
On Saturday I want to go to the basketball game and see my nieces and some old friends.  On Sunday Logan gets back from a wrestling trip and I'll get to see him.  Then Brianna gets back a few days after than and I'll get to see her.  I am so excited I seriously can't wait.
I apologize for the rant, but I just needed to get some stuff out.  And I already feel a lot better.  This is just one reason that I love writing so much.  It's where I can just let everything go and it comes out so much easier and better than when I try to say it.  Oh, how I love words.  And oh, how I can't wait to be home. I miss everyone and everything. 6 days